


Alex in wonderland.

by MultiFormFromSpace



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2017-12-26 08:50:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiFormFromSpace/pseuds/MultiFormFromSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And falling in love with Matt Smith, was that before or after the kiss?"</p><p>Alex loves Matt, it takes a night out with Kenneth and a few drinks to realise this, but what happens when she does? Can she admit to it? Can she make Matt understand and if she does, could he ever love her? Maybe it's for the best that he's leaving who.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And falling in love with Matt Smith, was that before or after the kiss?

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the characters. This is purely a work of fiction. I do not know any of the characters nor do I presume to know about their lives. This is fiction and all in the name of fun. "Geronimo." This is a product of a prompt on facebook, This is the last chance to tell each other how they feel, combined with too much alcohol (drunk confession of love)

CHAPTER 1- .... AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH MATT SMITH, WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER THE KISS?

Alex sighed looking at the reflection that was staring back at her. It was different from the one that had looked back at her twenty years ago. Twenty years, two marriages, a few key roles and a child ago. Twenty years when she was his age and, just like he now, had the world at her feet. She had it all back then, or so she had thought. She thought she had been happily married. Thought she would always be. Thought she would eventually have a few kids and would get some major roles and be one of the biggest starlets on the planet.

True enough she had gotten some of what she wanted. She had Salome now, but she had fought tooth and nail to get her. She had thought when she married Florian that he had been the one, that she had finally gotten it right and had found a man that would love her unconditionally. She had been wrong of coarse but at the end of the day it had been the best thing she had ever done to finally her perfect little girl and she wouldn't change it.

She had done some big roles. Moll. Corday. Now River. River had given her a new lease both on life and on acting. She had known Steven longer than she could remember and she had hoped, when she had first casually chatted to him about making her a character for Doctor Who, that it would help her at least a little in her life. She had been feeling like she would never get another role and she had been afraid she might have to retire. She had enough money that she could have done so and lived out the rest of her days comfortably but she knew she would have gone mad.

She didn't actually think that Steve would create a character for her but he had, and what a character she had been. River was sassy, wild, sexy and the chemistry she had with the Doctor, both as River and as Alex with Matt, was insurmountable. She couldn't explain it. They seemed to feed off each other. Alex adored the boy. He was handsome, funny, cheeky, flirting and his voice always left a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. He was a mystery wrapped in an enigma that boy. She was still stunned to find herself attracted to him when they were filming.

Alex had thought that it might be strange to act the wife of a man that was 20 years her junior, but it hadn't been. He had this look to him that was hard to explain. He seemed much older and wiser than his 30 years but he was so vibrant and exuberant that he was almost childish. Especially when he flirted. He was an old soul that one, there was no denying it. 

Alex bit her lip, squinting at herself. She looked like hell. She looked sick and old. It didn't help that she'd had the flu. She pushed the corners of her eyes up, lifting them to the firmness that had been there 20 years ago. She lifted her cheeks, then the corners of her mouth then her forehead. She slowly pushed the shoulder of the old styled dress off her shoulders and ran her hands along her collarbone and neck. She then prodded the dark circles that were ringed around her eyes. She sighed and reached for the make up remover pads.  
She didn't know why she had even remotely entertained the idea that she could ask Matt out when he had broken up with Daisy. Of coarse he was back with her again. She was young, thin, pretty, crazy, able to keep with his partying. She was at the start of her life just as he was and she could give him things that Alex couldn't. Alex snorted at that. Not that he would even want to date Alex. Not that she really wanted to date him either. Or did she? She had tried to see what others did but she'd failed to see it.

Her family and friends had told her that he adored her and wanted to date her. Hell even Salome had one day piped up over breakfast and said "when are you and Mattie going to tell everyone you're boyfriend and girlfriend?" Hell, even the fans... what was the word they had used? Plane it? No. Boat it? No, that wasn't right but it was close. They put them together. What had they called it? Mattex? Even the press had started to use the term. They only did that with actual couples though, so why were they using it in regards to her and Matt.  
They weren't "Brangelina" or "Robsten" or anything else. She and Matt were friends. Pure and simple. She knew the press were reading too much into it. She had noticed some of it was her own fault. Like mentioning she had been in Matt's bathroom, or in his trailer, or admitting she rather fancied kissing him, or that she had a crush on him, or that she had been the one he went to for opinions on leaving who. It didn't matter anymore. He was now currently filming the christmas special for who, the 50th had been wrapped up. She would see him at the premiere for the 50th then never see him again.

He was already working in Hollywood, making a name for himself. He had finished his movie with Gosling and no doubt would have offers for movies coming out his ears. It was a good thing really, and a bad thing too in a way. She would miss him like crazy but it was for the best. Now she wouldn't have to play 'mum' to him and pretend the flirting was innocent and cover her feelings. River was still going to make her appearances with the Doctor (she assumed) as she was meeting Steve tomorrow to talk about it.

Alex gave a small start when the door to the dressing room opened and Ken walked in, dropping into the seat beside her. He leaned his elbow on the make up table she was sitting at, placing his head in his hand and smiling. "Great show tonight." He said and she smiled, nodding as she dragged the make up removal pad over her eye.

 

"It went well didn't it?" She agreed and he nodded. 

"Sure did. We're going out to celebrate a night well done." he said and she raised an eyebrow as she removed the other eye. 

"Whose 'we?'" She asked and he smiled.

"Everyone. All the cast, all the music guys, the prop guys...." he continue on and Alex looked at him.

"Well... be sure to have a nice night." She encouraged. Kenneth clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, standing he placed a hand on her shoulders and met her gaze in the mirror. 

"Come with us." He asked. She slowly started to shake her head and Kenneth glared at her before softening his gaze. "Please Alex." He asked, his tone soft. "Just one or two drinks. Just an hour or so. You need to go out, relax." She bit her lip and sighed, her shoulders slumping forward as she relented. 

"Alright. Just for an hour." She agreed.

And that was how, an hour and a half, a shower and change of outfit later she found herself in the bar with the others. They had seemed to take over the bar and were all a bit roucus. They were getting steadily drunker, laughing, yelling, stumbling, dancing and just having a good time. She smiled wryly and finished the last of her gin and tonic. Alex had to admit that it felt good to be out for a change instead of sitting at home, reading or watching bad telly or sleeping, though in all honesty she should be sleeping to be fresh for her meeting with Steve tomorrow, at least she had the day off.

She was about ready to leave when Ken dropped into the booth she was sitting in, across from her. He slid he a shot of tequila over to her and she looked at him suspiciously. "What's this then?" She asked and he laughed. 

"Come on, you used to keep up with the best of them, I'm only asking you to do one." He said and she clicked her tongue, pulling it over.

"Just the one and I'm going home." She said and he nodded. 

"Well, can you at least chat to me a bit first? We never talk anymore and I miss that. We used to be friends." He said and she felt her walls crack a little.

"Ken... you don't have to." She began and he made a noise in the back of his throat, effectively cutting her off. 

"I know I don't but I want to." He held his gaze for a moment, tipping the salt onto her hand. 

"Well?" She asked him suspiciously. He took the shaker and tipped a line on his hand. They licked and then tipped back the shot then sucked the lime's. She winced and pushed away the offending fruit.

"It used to be so much easier." She laughed and Kenneth joined her. 

"Another?" He asked and she worried her lip between he teeth. 

"I should say no, but what the hell?" She shrugged. He wandered off getting more shots and then returned. They downed the shots and Alex, felt a pleasant, warm buzz rolling through her veins like lava running down the side of a volcano. Slowly, after some more drinks, and the insistance of Kenneth they were chatting like the old friends they were. Talking about life, love, work and somehow they had gotten onto the subject of Matt.

"Ooh, and then that kiss..." she purred. "Well that boy is quite the kisser. He's a bit naughty that one. He could kiss the pants off anyone. He was worried he couldn't flirt properly because of the eyepatch you see, but honestly he did fine, then he was worried he had hurried the kiss but I tell you, if that's how robot tessalecta's kiss I am all for it."

"Mmhm." Kenneth nodded, swigging his beer. "And falling in love with Matt Smith, was that before or after the kiss?" He asked, looking up at her calmly and setting the beer back on the table casually. Alex choked on the Smirnoff red she was drinking. 

"Wha.... what?" She stuttered suddenly sober. "I'm not.... I don't.... why do people keep saying that?!" She hissed and Kenneth smiled a little. 

"Because it's the truth Alex." He replied and she suddenly felt color drain out of her cheeks. 

"But it's.... but I don't... I can't...." she failed to try and explain. She knew he was right and now she was sadly admitting it to herself. "I don't know when it happened." Her voice was barely more than a whisper but he had heard her. He placed a hand over hers sympathetically. "Am I that obvious?" She asked, lifting her eyes, looking at him through her lashes, her eyes shiny with her unshed eyes. 

Kenneth thought about a moment then sat back in his chair. He seemedd to be contemplating the question but slowly he nodded. "A little bit, yes." She gulped and turned red, looking at the cup in her hands. 

"Oh my god." She moaned. "I wonder how he's managed to keep working with me. He is a better actor than I gave him credit for to be able to keep working with me." Kenneth sighed and slowly stood.

"I'm not sure he knows. Sometimes we don't know the obvious when it's right in front of us." She looked up at him confused. He smiled at her and she had the sudden sense his words held a double meaning but she couldn't place her finger on it. "Good night Alex, it was good that you came out." He said and then he was lost in the crowd. Suddenly Alex was too tired, too embarassed and far too sober. She went to the bar and ordered a few more shots, she needed to drink the embarassment away, she would deal with tomorrow when it came.

 

* * * 

 

She giggled and stumbled, tripping over a pot plant that was in the middle of the hall. Whose genius idea was it to make heels anyway? She thought and placed a finger to her lips, shushing the plant. "Shhh, don't wake everyone up." She told the plant, setting it upright. She staggered to her door, fishing into her purse to find her key. She leaned against the wall, well more like fell into it in her drunken stupor and thought briefly that it was going to bruise. She grunted and pouted, thinking that she could hear her keys but unable to see them. "That's going to bruise." She informed the wall, a delayed reaction to her previous thought.

"Alex?" She heard the sleepy rumble behind her. She spun around and staggered again. 

"Oh, hello Matthew!" She said with a wide smile, which made him raise an eyebrow. "Shh! Be quiet!" She said, unaware that it was she herself that was being extremely loud. 

"Are you drunk?" He asked, blinking lazily. Alex took a moment to notice that he looked sleepy, like he had just woken from a deep sleep. He was in black satin boxers with daffy duck on them and a gray T-shirt. She could imagine that his hair (if he still had any) would have been spikey and ruffled from sleep. 

"Shh, spoilers." She giggled and stumbled again. She winced and suddenly felt his arms around her. 

"Jesus, Alex. How wasted are you?" He demanded, his eyes narrowed. "You never get drunk like this." He scolded. "Can you even find your damn key card?" He asked and she blinked.

"My what?" She asked him. Matt sighed and took her purse, opening it and pulling out the white card key. So that's why she couldn't find the keys? "Oh." she said and she tried to see the slot through the blurry eyes of hers. "where is it?" She mumbled. She was acutely aware of his arm around her waist and she heard his sigh.

"Give me that." He said gently, moving to take the card key. Alex pulled it roughly out of his reach and glared at him, almost hissing at him angrily. He looked taken aback then he frowned. "What's wrong with you?" He asked her and she bristled.

Alex wasn't known for being an angry drunk but her evening had made her wary and perhaps a little irritable. She had fallen in love with this man and he didn't give two hoots about her. It was easier to hate him then to admit the painful truth, at least that's what the alcohol was telling her. "I don't need you!" She snapped and he blinked.

"Al...." he said softly, his features softening as he reached up to brush a gold curl out of her eyes.

"I got this." She said staggering away from him and leaned against her door, fumbling her hand along the door to find the slot. "Go back to Daisy" she said, not sure if the bitterness was evident in her tone.

"Daisy?" He asked her a look of bewilderment on his face. "Why would I go back to Daisy?" 

"Because you're dating again." She said, whooping at her small victory when she found the key card slot and slid it in. She thought the light turned green and she twisted the handle, stumbling forward when it opened, not realising she had been leaning on the door. She giggled and kicked off her shoes.

"Alex...." Matt said from behind her and she spun around. "I'm not dating Daisy again." He was watching her with an odd look in his eyes, arms folded and leaning against her door frame. "Where did you get an idea like that?" He asked. She pulled out her phone, scrolling through her emails til she found the one she wanted. She thrust the phone at him and stumbled to the bathroom, her bladder suddenly screaming at her.

When she was finished she walked back out to see Matt sitting on the arm of the couch, staring at a painting on the wall. He turned to face her as Alex moved to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "Is this why you're drunk?" He asked, holding up her phone and wriggling it. Alex didn't know why but she bristled at that, feeling somewhat offended. 

"God no. Not everything is about you." She snapped and Matt gave her a pensive look that suggested he didn't believe a word of it.

"Right. Cos if it is I'll have you know the news article is a lie. I'm not back with Daisy. We had lunch the other day, sure, but that's it. We had... certain unresovled issues... we needed to address. No matter what people want to say about me I still want to be her friend. We have a lot of history and she's a great person, we just didn't love each other anymore." He continued and Alex shrugged.

"That's nice." She said dryly.

"Alright then. If this isn't why you're drunk then why did you get wasted?" He asked her, acting as if only mildly interested and not that it was a burning question.

"Ken." She said as she took another drag of the water. It took Matt a moment to work out who she meant before letting his ruffles ease. "He thought we all needed to go for drinks after work." She almost sounded like she was sober and Matt thought she might be over it when she let out a giggle and he rolled his eyes realising she was still very much drunk, she was just good at not slurring her words. "Of coarse he then discovered that I loved you and I hadn't really had enough to drink for that so I had more." She was now laughing her head off and Matt bristled.

Did she think it was funny? Did she know how he felt and was now taking the piss out of him? "Is it so funny? Loving me?" He asked, his jaw clenched and anger in his eyes.

"What? No. Well... yes." She said giggling again and she came to stand near him. His eyes were hard and she tapped his nose. "Becuase of coarse I'm too old for you. I'm like your mother, you've said so, so of coarse I would have to fall in love with a man way too young, way too hot and already seeing someone. I don't just fail in love, I fail spectacularly." She was roaring with laughter now. Matt watched her and slowly he understood.

He was dying to pull her into his arms and snog her senseless. He wanted to throw her on the couch, climb on top of her and make her come beneath him, his name spilling from her lips on the coattails of a scream. He wanted to see her come undone from his hands, his mouth and his cock, but that would come later. He needed her to be sober for that. When he finally took Alex, he wanted her to remember it, not forget it when she woke or worse, thought it was a dream.

"Alex...." he said darkly. She immediately stopped laughing and studied him curiously. "Go to bed. You're tired and drunk. I'll be here at seven am to take you to breakfast. We need to talk. Wear something nice." He ordered. He stood and placed her phone on the glass coffee table of the hotel which BBC owned and where all the cast and crew all lived while they were in town filming for whatever show they were part of. He gave her one last look and nodded to the bedroom. "Sleep well Alex." and then he was gone.


	2. The Morning After The Night Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, sorry this took so long. Christmas and New Years and computer problems and the like made it difficult to update. I am sorry this chapter is kind of short but it's something to tide everyone over a little until I am able to on more. (Hopefully it won't take long.) Cheers guys, keep up the good support.

Chapter two.

Alex groaned as she slowly surfaced back to consciousness. Her alarm had been set to tap into the radio in the mornings. With a groan she cracked one eye open and looked at the small electronic device on the bedside table. With a pounding headache, aching muscles, a metallic taste in the back of her throat, and her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth like she'd been eating nothing but sand for a week, she was having a hard time subscribing to Bono's assertion that it was a beautiful day. Alex rolled over and squinted at the small sliver of light that streamed in through the gap in the curtains. She could hear the pattering of the rain as it hit the tiles of the balcony beyond the sliding glass doors. It was definitely NOT a beautiful day. Remind her to slap Ken next time she saw him. This had been his brilliant idea and now she was suffering. God she really wasn't 20 anymore. She was too old for this shit. 

She had had plans for today but as she sat up to slap the stupid alarm off she winced and moaned, flopping back down. She had been planning to spend the morning with Maura shopping after having a lovely breakfast. Now the idea of sleeping until her meeting with Steve was more appealing. The more she thought about texting Maura and sleeping in, the more it appealed to her. She winced, leaning up on her elbow, searching for her phone when there was a sharp rap on the door.  
She frowned and blinked, looking absently at the door. She was pretty sure she was meeting Maura at the cafe up the road, not here. She bit her lip, wondering if they had changed plans last night while she'd been drunk. It was possible. She had been drunker than she had been in a very long time. (Come on she'd had a weird dream about Matt) So it was entirely possible that she had changed her plans.

Alex stood up and winced, stumbling and falling against the wall, frowning at the pain in her arm. There was another knock at the door, louder and more insistent then the first. "I'm coming!" She huffed, throwing the door open. She blinked up at Matt, who stood, leaning against the door frame grinning. "Matt." She said confused.

"Morning." He said chirpily, grinning. "You planning to wear that are you?" He asked, motioning to her pajama's and she looked down at herself then back to Matt, confused. 

"Sorry?" She asked and he smirked at her, lifting the corner of his mouth only slightly, the sort of smirk that made her weak in the knees (not that she'd admit to that).

"It's okay, I kind of expected that you'd forget." He said as he pushed himself off the wall and walked past Alex and into the room. He walked over to the living room and dropped onto the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table crossing his ankles. He draped his arm over the back of the couch and grabbed the remote, flipping on the TV as Alex shut the door and walked into the living area, confused and watching him warily.

"Matt..." she said slowly.

"Mm?" He asked lazily, looking up at her evenly. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked, still giving him a curious look. He smiled sweetly and motioned to the tv. 

"I'll just watch some TV while you get ready." He said simply and Alex rubbed her temples, her head still throbbing from last night. 

"Ready for what?" She mumbled.

"For you to get ready for breakfast." he smiled.

Alex frowned and it took her a few minutes to work out what he was saying. In the past whenever Alex was working on who she would regularly make breakfast for team TARDIS. Matt, Arthur and Karen, so of coarse it would stand to reason in Matt's mind that she would be making him breakfast like nothing had changed. Ordinarily Alex wouldn't mind making him breakfast but after last night, being drunk and hungover this morning and a somewhat strangely disturbing dream about telling Matt she was in love with him, she wasn't in the mood to make him breakfast.

"Matt, sweetie," she began (River's term of endearment 'sweetie' a product of Alex herself which she had incorporated into the character) "you know ordinarily I wouldn't mind it but I'm a bit worse for ware today dear." She sighed and Matt cocked his head, giving her a rather confused look. 

He seemed to be pondering this and finally a smile crept along his features. "No Alex, I don't want you to make me breakfast. I'm taking you out to breakfast." He informed her with a slight chuckle. She opened and closed her mouth trying to think of something to say.

"Matt, that's really very nice of you but I have plans for today. I'm..." she began but he cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"Yes, I know. Don't worry I've got night filming all this week with Jenna so I will make sure you're at your appointment with Mof at one like you need to be."

"Yes but that's not all I..." she began and he cut her off again.

 

"I also called your friend, what was her name? Maura? I called her and told her you were hungover and that you and I were going to breakfast and she told me to tell you that she would call you tonight to reschedule." He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders and turned his attention back to the telly. 

Alex wanted to click her tongue, or maybe rage at him she wasn't sure but the pounding in her head was getting worse and she was now battling down a wave of nausea. "Matt, how on Earth did you know I was meeting Maura today?" She asked him instead. He glanced up at her over the back of the couch and he grinned again.

"I have my ways." He told her, a hint of cheek in his tone. "Now go get ready." He said dismissively and looked back to the TV. Alex frowned but knew when she'd been dismissed. Anyone who knew Matt knew that this tone was his 'I've made up my mind and there's no changing it' look. She trudged to the bathroom, grabbing her toiletry bag as she walked past the bedroom. She closed and locked the door, flipping open the bag and pulling out a couple of aspirin. She popped them in her mouth, downing them with some water then looked at herself in the mirror, wincing.

If she thought her reflection last night was bad then this was awful. The rings around her eyes seemed darker, her skin more sunken and her hair was all over her head in an untamed mess, reminding her of a birds nest. "Wonderful. Just wonderful." She muttered, stepping over to the shower and turning on the faucet. She held her hand under the spray of water waiting until it reached the temperature she was happy with then she removed her clothes and stepped into the shower. Roughly fifteen minutes a soak, scrub and shampoo later the aspirin had kicked in, the headache gone, the dregs of the previous night gone and Alex felt fresh and human again. She turned off the shower, wrapping a towel around her hair like a turban and then a toweled bathrobe around her body. Alex walked out to choose and outfit to wear. She went through four outfits before realizing she was trying to pick out an outfit that would impress Matt and she forced herself to stop, not really sure why that was. It was simply a casual breakfast between work colleagues. So finally she threw on an olive green shirt and black slacks. She chose a pair of black shoes and went to the bathroom to do her make up. Keeping to natural shades. Once she'd fluffed her hair and pursed her lips to check her pale pink lipstick Alex blinked and sighed, leaning on the porcelain sink. Again she wasn't sure why she had gone to such effort for breakfast. It was something that was nagging her in the back of her mind. She was hearing his voice in her mind telling her to wear something nice.

Of coarse she knew that it was only wishful thinking on her part but still. If they were going to breakfast, even as mates, then no doubt press would be around at some point and she had learned a long time ago, to always be camera ready. One of the down sides to her work. She had grown accustomed to it now though. That was why she was wearing make up and a fairly nice outfit, not because she was seeking approval. Or so she told herself. Alex picked up the aspirin pills and walked back into the bedroom, picking up her hand bag and tossing the pills in the bag, just in case she got her hangover migraine back. She grabbed her jacket and threw it on, wrapping a scarf around her neck, knowing that the chill was starting to creep in and the rain didn't help at all either. She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked back into the living room. Matt was busy typing on his phone, some music channel was on the tv. She smiled at how homey and natural the scene seemed. She could get used to this she thought to herself smiling. When the realization of what she had just thought sunk in she blinked and mentally shook herself, hardening her features and banishing the thought. "Ready." She said and Matt gave a small start, tilting his head back to look at her.

The smile that was on his face was full of cheek and mirth and made him seem like a young boy and Alex melted a little, returning the smile. "Finally." Matt said rather loudly. He stood up and turned off the tv and stepped around the couch, walking over to her. Alex suddenly felt like a gazelle in the sights of a hungry lion when Matt dragged his gaze over her. She had to force herself not to shift awkwardly under his scrutiny and managed instead to smile. "So... breakfast did you say?" She asked and his green eyes finally met her blue ones. His smile was infectious which aided in making her own smile all the more genuine. 

"I think I may have mentioned it." he nodded, holding his arm out and grinning. Alex rolled her eyes but stepped past him, not taking the offered arm. Matt let out a breath and simply followed her. He pulled the door shut behind him and Alex made her way to the elevator, pressing the button and let out a deep sigh while the lights on the numbers lit up a soft golden yellow indicating the floor it was on. Finally, with a soft 'ping' the metal elevator doors slowly slid open and Alex stepped into the small square elevator, trying not to be acutely aware of Matt, nor how close to her he was now standing. (She swore she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.) The doors slid shut and Alex closed her eyes, counting the seconds as they ticked by almost too slow like time had slowed right down. She swore to herself that she would never be locked in such a confined space with this man EVER again. This was torture. 

This breakfast could not end soon enough...


End file.
